U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
