Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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