What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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