The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
