Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
