So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
