There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
