Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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