I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
