i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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