He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
