you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
