am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
