I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
