I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
