I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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