He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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