FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
