i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize