Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
