Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
