The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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