a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
