I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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