My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
