I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
