I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize