I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
