she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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