He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
