A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
