I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
