Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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