i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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