Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
