I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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