She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize