Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
