Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
