1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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