we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
