Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
