I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
