You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he wants to bone in the snuggie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
