Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
do herpes really smell.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
