So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
