he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
