all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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