so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize