Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
