I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
