Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
