No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize