Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
