I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize