Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
