sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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