I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
