i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
