I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
