i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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