But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
