it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
