i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
