I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
