Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The Olympian is in my bed
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