So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
