john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
