Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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